When I was writing this post, the snow was gently falling almost straight down in the tiniest of flakes. The air was still. In March I always pay special attention to the weather. As winter shifts to spring I want to be sure to notice the last snow fall because I know it won’t be happening again for many months. It’s tricky though, because you never know it’s the last snowfall until after it happens. So in March every time it snows I say to myself “this might be the last snowfall of the winter!” I get excited and a little nostalgic as I honour the change of the seasons.
There are always changes that are happening in our lives. Someone moves into a new home, opens a new business, retires or has a special birthday. And although parties are often thrown, have you ever come away wondering why no one took the time to stop all the activity to say a few words to bring everyone together and to acknowledge the significance of the change?
As with the seasons there is no turning back when these life transitions occur. Marking their significance with a ceremony thoughtfully planned or even by simply tucking a few special moments into a party can make a big difference in the person’s life and will also leave a lasting impression on the family and friends who are witnessing their change.
A number of years ago when my youngest son was turning 13, I wanted to mark his birthday in a special way. Gabe was becoming a young man and I didn’t want to let that go by unnoticed. My life was especially busy at that time. I was in the middle of a separation that was leading to divorce and yet I knew that the space needed to be created (in this case against all odds) to bring our family together around our youngest member’s birthday.
It was easy to know who to invite. Gabe has 5 older siblings and each of them had a significant other and of course my son’s father would be there too. I called everyone ahead of time to let them know what I was planning and gave them simple suggestions on how to prepare.
When the day arrived there was excitement in the air as each person arrived. We began our ceremony by pulling our chairs into a circle. Then each of us in turn recalled a significant memory of Gabe during his early childhood. Hearing the stories was a delight for all of us. We shared laughter and we shared tears.
Next we revealed the amazing qualities that Gabe had that would serve him well as he moved into manhood. It was beautiful to witness the care that had gone into choosing and the consideration in presenting a gift that would represent that quality. More laughter and more tears.
To end the ceremony we stood and formed a circle around Gabe. We hoped he would always know that his family loved him and would be there to support him. He looked at each of us and really took in the moment. Then we threw our hands up in the air and made some very loud Whoops! Afterwards we had a toast and shared a delicious meal.
I am so grateful that I followed through on my desire to celebrate my son’s birthday with a ceremony. At the time it wasn’t easy to find the focus and the energy, but it was an important transition and I know that it created a firm foundation for him as he moved forward into manhood.
The last snow can be exciting but only if you observe it as it’s happening. Don’t let this moment melt into another without noticing it. Create space to acknowledge, honour and celebrate the important transitions in your life and in the lives of your loved ones.
10 Comments
Beautiful, Jovanna. I love how the thread of ceremony has been with you for as long as I’ve known you, and now it has become your official work. x0x
Thank you, Deb. Yes, it makes so much sense when I look back from where I’ve come. And yet to bring my work fully into the world “officially” I had to make a conscious choice. I remember the exact moment when it dawned on me that personal ceremony was my thing. Fortunately others witnessed that moment so I had the love and support (and nudging) I needed to stand up tall in my work and shine. I am so grateful.
Jovanna,
What a beautifully written article! Thank you for sharing your experience with your son’s birthday. It reminds me of a Thanksgiving we celebrated many years ago now, when we had about 16 family members present. Mike and I insisted that everyone stop for a few minutes and we created some quiet space among the smells of dinner.
We created a circle, as you did, and gave everyone an unlit candle. The goal was to light someone’s candle and tell them something you are grateful for about them. They, in turn, light the next person’s candle until all have given and received love and gratitude. It was so moving and memorable and it marked a moment where there was no judgment, talking over or rushing around. Just peace, love, and acceptance.
It ended pretty quickly, with all the kids (who shared amazing things I might add!) wanting to get back to their games and women back to the kitchen. I still remember it with a smile and tenderness in my heart.
Thank you for bubbling up a lovely memory. I’m making room for new ceremonies these days and love your suggestions.
Cheerfully,
Sam Uhl
Beautiful, Sam. The image of your family bathed in candlelight is precious.
Hi Jovanna! I really enjoyed this post. What a wonderfull idea and SO important for our children to hear about their gifts from their family! I wrote about something similar this week on my blog. I also LOVE the idea of taking the time to mark transitions in our life, workplace, etc. We are so busy these days and we often don’t take the time to really “see” and acknowledge each other or the significance of these moments. I’m so glad you’re doing this work and reminding us of creating meaningful moments! Thank YOu!
I love it when you come here for a visit, Becky! Yes, our children count on us, don’t they. Instead of waiting for the right moment, we have to make those moments happen. Now I’m going to come and visit you and take in the inspiration of your words!
This post has that shiver of feeling that comes from such closeness to family and friends. What is interesting, to me, is how those whose family may not be nearby, or how those who live alone can participate in this practice. How often I have canoed out to a special, quiet place and had a farewell ceremony for a friend who has died or a relationhip that has ended or celebrated times of joy. Little piles of stones, fire, running water, all have a symbolic significance that help us celebrate the passages of life.
Beautiful…
Dear Jovanna,
Your article took me back to my childhood In NW PA. where the winters were long & there was much snow. And it reminded me that as Spring approached, there were a succession of spring announcing snows that we would note, while waiting for the “final snow” Alas! It has been so many years that I forget all of them—but I do remember that one was a “robin snow” (when the robins had already returned), and there was an “Onion Snow”–when the wild onions were up. I think there were at least 2 more–and I think that everyone who would know is gone now. 🙁 But thanks for these beautiful memories!
Sounds like an inspirational painting. Yours of course!