Look to Love

A number of years ago my husband and I divorced and a long winter followed with powerful waves of grief.

I could have lingered in disappointment or anger but instead I set a clear intention to follow a path of love as guidance during the process of letting go.

I reached out to my therapist and close friends who walked beside me through my grief. I wrote in my journal, maintained a regular art practice to process my emotions and I took actions and performed rituals all focusing on letting go with love.

When I was ready (or at least almost ready), I started removing things from my home that reminded me of being a couple. I needed to clear some space for me!

I began in my bedroom.

I asked my husband to take all of our bedroom furniture. Then I moved everything else out of the room including my clothes, anything hanging on the walls and even the curtains. My room ended up looking like an empty shell that, in retrospect, was rather like myself.

Ritual is rich with metaphor.

I prepared the space for a new beginning by washing the floor, the walls, the closet shelves, the windows and the blinds with soapy water infused with essential oils that offered a healing aroma.

When I began recreating the space, I rearranged my clothes in my closet taking up the entire space, not just the part they used to inhabit.

Then I needed something to sleep on.

When I went to the furniture store to choose a mattress, it felt like I had the word “divorced” written across my forehead so on my next shopping excursion, I asked a friend to go along with me. She lightened things up by having me bounce on all of the mattresses to find the one that was right for me.

I placed the head of my bed on a new wall and I bought bright white sheets and white curtains to go with my white down comforter. My room became like a cloud holding me during my healing.

Several months later as I was walking down the street I passed a nice looking man and we looked at one another and smiled. In that moment, I realized that my heart had lightened. I had a spring back in my step!

When I work with clients who are separated or divorced we make our way into the heart of letting go with love, one step at a time. We clear out, clean up, recreate and eventually they make their way to a place of celebration. It’s a beautiful process.

Times of transition are fraught with emotion and yet, when you align with love rather than fear, you find your way forward to new ground.

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